panicking :o

it's like two more days till next year. and i'm panicking. for what? i'm not sure. maybe cos next year is gonna be so freakishly different?

FORM 5.

those two words loomed like threatening dark clouds over my head for the past few weeks. it's just crazy. still waiting for that glimmer of sunlight to find it's way through. :/ it's just so scary cos next year everyone will be expecting you to get straight A's for THE exam AGAIN. what the hell are they all thinking about? A's very easy to get izzit? i'm so tired of all this la, but the kiasu side of me just won't let me give up. :(

for Christmas i went to my church was the awesome-possum drama--- The Messiah. it was so magnificently fantastic i went twice :) first time i sat way upstairs, it was good but not as good as sitting downstairs, front-row, VIP seat :D haha, all thanks to my sis i got the nicest seat ever at the second session, but only for half the show. :/ haizz.... kudos to those who took part, it was extraordinarily good.

so, a year has past and nothing has changed (???). well at least my younger sis hasn't, she's still as annoying as ever. >:( gotta go now, she's bugging me again.

when will i ever learn?

we were having project cookie in pauline house for the last few days so every morning i had to walk there myself. the road to pauline's house is the same road i use to walk to school/tuition/sunshine's house/suzie's house/steffi's house/sin yoon seng/dk court and a whole bunch of other random places.

so simply walking down that road brought back truckloads of crazy memories, and suddenly the need to get back to normal was overwhelming as well as the unmistakable feeling of failure. the two people i failed the most is.... myself and time. if time was the proverbial old man, he'd be shaking his head at me right now.

and i really have say sorry to myself. after all, i couldn't blame anyone else for what happened now, it was my fault all along. you thought it's a story about you and him, but turns out it's a story about him and her instead. you're just passerby A. promised not to cry, just wondering where the hell did it all disappeared to.

"you might be a big fish in a little pond, doesn't mean you've won"

from Coldplay's Lost. "just because i'm losing, doesn't mean i'm lost, doesn't mean i'll stop." right.

when things come to an end...

sometimes it just doesn't stay like that.

i feel very bad. i'm so sorry, that's all i can say, i didn't know you would know. so i promise i'm not gonna talk about ppl in this blog anymore. but when i told my friend that she was like," but you live on earth, YC, if you don't write about people, they're gonna think that you come from Mars."

better that than being thought of as a potty-mouth.

school is going to reopen soon. i have not done anything that would be helpful to me... yet. i'm trying, really i am, you just have to believe me, i'm trying SO hard...... in front of the computer. next year is going to be such a boring year. :(

blah, i need to change, i feel so MUDDY. i sort of miss school... but not as much as the past years. form 4 has been such a life-changing year, i have that "grew old overnight" feel. and i'm sick again. and being sick really makes you wanna shout WTH at someone random. haizz...

if there were no such thing as schools, do you think life will be much better? not really. maybe a little bit better, but not much. aaaargh! i'm going mad, i think.

Daniel Devan came back from London and gave me a box of Earl Grey tea leaves so i cam read my future from it. HAHA. very funny.

to HIM, congratulations, you got what you wanted, but i'm sorry i couldn't say i'm happy for you. i wished i could. sorry.

you know that feeling when you have something interesting to blog about, but somehow when you sit in front of the com you totally forget all about it? yeap, that's the feeling i'm having now. some things just never change, i'm still looking forward to something that might not happen at all...



MERRY CHRISTMAS.

for some reason...

i want another person's life.
can't believe this is happening to me.

oh well, my holiday was quite good. decorated the children church alone today cos my pig of a brother is "taking a day off". taking a day off from what, man? you don't have anything to do!

i suddenly have this crave for peanut butter. and good books. oh, which reminds me, i just finish Stephen King's The Dead Zone!!!!! it was so super awesome... i didn't know what to expect at first, cos you know, his books are usually the scare-the-shit-out-of-you type, but this book... it turned out to be just like The Green Mile. tres superb. i love it. :) and the book kinda reminds me of Dean Koontz's Odd Thomas series. ohmygoodness, which reminds me again, DK's third book in the Frankenstein series is finally out!! i almost screamed out loud in Borders that day when i saw the book. i M.U.S.T have it. period.

other books i would love to have on my bookshelf would be: Thomas Harris's Silence of the Lambs, Dean Koontz's Life Expectancy, and some Stuart Macbride books. read a review on one of his books, seems to be interesting..

i'd live on words if i could.

no money to buy christmas presents :(

don't bug me -.-

i just had like the weirdest dream ever.
it consist of: car, travelling, nice city view, never-ending food, money, donald trump, truth, and breaking records.

hmmm.... VERY scary. i mean that's what i usually think about, you know. oh, donald trump and money came together. he gave me 300 USD for reading the newspaper to him.

something very embarrassing happened too. but nobody noticed :D well, i sincerely hope so.

i took the shirt back, and it smelt like..... HIM. i was like so what-the-helled. just the thought of my shirt lying in that place for like, what, 5 days is embarrassing beyond imagination. grrr... hopefully no one noticed.

even hearing his favourite song on radio feels weird now. :/

i'm falling in love with eason chan! he has like the nicest voice ever :D

i desperately need money, donations are extremely welcomed.

wooo~

i'm back from camp. but that was like three days ago.

this is one of those camps where you just can't put how you feel into words. so, i'm just gonna tell you: it was awesome :D no actually it was actually better than awesome... lol, it goes on and on and on and on...

i learnt so many many many stuff in the camp!! :D haha, it's my first and last anyway... :( unless some miracle happen and there's no spm next year :)

don't feel like blogging larh... but i found a lot of new things to love :D

Mix FM :)
Melaka ppl :)
Tropicana City Mall :)
Five for Fighting :)
The Killers :)
Keane :)
NSCFL2009 :)
Stephen King's The Dead Zone :)
Dean Koontz's third Frankenstein book :)
Thomas Harris' Silence of the Lambs :)

and for some weird-ass reason i have this urge to do a thorough research about cars and wine.... and football.
my goodness and i hate shoping.

:/

turning guy-ish. LOL. :( no worries, i'm still very much a girl, just going through a gender-confused phase in life :)



Go, RAHAB!!!!! we got second place :)