This is a pretty..... awkward topic. LOL. but in my whole life there's 3 major crushes that has really impacted my life. i mean there are many times in between these 3 when i'll think like, "this guy is cute" or "that guy is hot", but i don't think those qualifies as crushes, right?
Number 1- B
When i was in standard 6, i met this guy. let's call him B. he wasn't from my school but we got to meet twice a week through tuition. He was funnier and (sorry) better than the guys in my school. he's not very.... cute. he has got like the smallest eyes ever. during std 6, we were very very very good friends. we made each other laugh, we fought, we did lame stuff during tuition, we bought each other food, we stood up for each other etc etc. at first it was all very innocent, i mean we were just best friends, right? I don't even know how it started, but when we were form 1, we kinda liked each other, i think. at that time, we had different tuition hours, so we couldn't see each other anymore, but we kept in touch through letters. hahahaha, i didn't have a handphone at that time. :D we could only see each other during holidays. so... in one letter, i asked him if he likes me. and he replied yes. and i was on the top of the world. then one day, we fought. i can't even remember over what. we fought all the time, but this was a serious i-don't-want-to-see-your-face-anymore sort of fight. and we really never did.
see, it just ended like this. the irony is i've never even held his hand. i don't even know if the whole thing was real. is he my first love? i'm still keeping that letter, but... it's all very far away now. I just hope we'll be able to meet again someday, talk about the good old times, and just laugh about it. B, thanks for the memories, i still miss you. :)
Number 2- Best Friend
this is the ridiculous one. i feel kinda awkward writing about him but i don't think he reads this blog anymore, so, who cares. this happened when i was about 14-15. the immortal era. he was the flirt of the class. always is and always will be. he was cute and he says the sweetest things ever.....
AAAARGHHHH!!!
awkward!! cos he's my best guy friend now! I won't tell you what happened in between ok, but we've come clean about everything already, so he knows everything. he has a girlfriend now, who is also my good good friend. he's a very nice guy, and although we don't really talk a lot now, i'll still cherish him as a wonderful friend. i remember when i was in form 2, i would be dying for just a call from him, but now i roll my eyes when i see his name on my screen. :D hahahaha! so ridiculous la. usually when he calls me, it's to talk about his relationship problems. LOL. and he used to check my blog from time to time for emo posts, cos of number 3. hmmm. everytime i'm feeling very down because of something number 3 did, he would be there to cheer me up and offer some opinions from a guy's point of view.
the best memory of him? walking home together after Celine under the hot sun, and then he'll ask me to be careful of rapists. -.-
LOL. it's so cool now, i'm 100% sure i don't like him in that sense anymore, so i'll think of him as my brother forever. :) Dear brother, i know you're very busy with college now, but you also have to remember you have other commitments as well ok? yes, college is fun and exciting, but one day it'll leave you. the only things that will stick to you for eternity are: God and Love. :) you can still call me to talk, cos i'm always very bored in this boring place. can't wait to plan your wedding, be prepared for a lot of hot air balloons. :)
Number 3- The Heartache
you were suppose to be the start-all-end-all. you were the perfect person to me, that guy who met my every criteria. the guy that flashes across my mind when some cheesy sad love song is on the radio. the guy i thought about when a cheesy romance film made me cry. because of you i go to that place all the time for no reason. even the dog likes me. when i see you, i smile myself silly for days, but when i don't, my heart falls into a deep dark hole. everything you do or say tugs at the strings of my heart. you were suppose to be with me. but for some strange reason, it didn't work out that way. i've been waiting for 3 years, you know. just holding on to some feeling that, as i later learn, never existed. i couldn't bear to look at the prom pictures, because seeing you smiling next to her makes me die a little inside. there was something, wasn't there? or were you just being nice all the time? I fell hard for you, so hard i lost all my senses. i know i shouldn't blame you, because you never meant to, you were just being you. but sometimes i wish you could just grow some balls and tell the truth to my face.
i just want you to know...... i still love you. but nothing is gonna happen between us anymore. you have your life now, and i'll try to live mine without you. actually a few weeks ago, i've already made the decision to let go, not because you're not worth it, but i'm really tired of waiting for something that'll never happen. and to show that i really mean it, i deleted your messages. all of them, except one. i believe there will be a day when i'm strong enough to delete that last one. :) i just hope that when i see you again, i'll be able to see you as a normal person, and not that special angel i thought God sent me 3 years ago.
Number 4- ??
haven't met him yet. or maybe i have but don't know it yet? hahahaha! :D dear number 4, are you The One? if you are, i'll have high expectations for you ok? i just hope that you won't be like the 3 nutcases above, and especially not like number 3. you don't have to be rich, but i don't want you to be a beggar as well. you don't have to be very extremely handsome, just as long as i find you ok, then it's fine la. hahaha, now that i'm single and available ( i was single and UNavailable), the best is yet to come right?? :D
LOL. it's so cool now, i'm 100% sure i don't like him in that sense anymore, so i'll think of him as my brother forever. :) Dear brother, i know you're very busy with college now, but you also have to remember you have other commitments as well ok? yes, college is fun and exciting, but one day it'll leave you. the only things that will stick to you for eternity are: God and Love. :) you can still call me to talk, cos i'm always very bored in this boring place. can't wait to plan your wedding, be prepared for a lot of hot air balloons. :)
Number 3- The Heartache
you were suppose to be the start-all-end-all. you were the perfect person to me, that guy who met my every criteria. the guy that flashes across my mind when some cheesy sad love song is on the radio. the guy i thought about when a cheesy romance film made me cry. because of you i go to that place all the time for no reason. even the dog likes me. when i see you, i smile myself silly for days, but when i don't, my heart falls into a deep dark hole. everything you do or say tugs at the strings of my heart. you were suppose to be with me. but for some strange reason, it didn't work out that way. i've been waiting for 3 years, you know. just holding on to some feeling that, as i later learn, never existed. i couldn't bear to look at the prom pictures, because seeing you smiling next to her makes me die a little inside. there was something, wasn't there? or were you just being nice all the time? I fell hard for you, so hard i lost all my senses. i know i shouldn't blame you, because you never meant to, you were just being you. but sometimes i wish you could just grow some balls and tell the truth to my face.
i just want you to know...... i still love you. but nothing is gonna happen between us anymore. you have your life now, and i'll try to live mine without you. actually a few weeks ago, i've already made the decision to let go, not because you're not worth it, but i'm really tired of waiting for something that'll never happen. and to show that i really mean it, i deleted your messages. all of them, except one. i believe there will be a day when i'm strong enough to delete that last one. :) i just hope that when i see you again, i'll be able to see you as a normal person, and not that special angel i thought God sent me 3 years ago.
Number 4- ??
haven't met him yet. or maybe i have but don't know it yet? hahahaha! :D dear number 4, are you The One? if you are, i'll have high expectations for you ok? i just hope that you won't be like the 3 nutcases above, and especially not like number 3. you don't have to be rich, but i don't want you to be a beggar as well. you don't have to be very extremely handsome, just as long as i find you ok, then it's fine la. hahaha, now that i'm single and available ( i was single and UNavailable), the best is yet to come right?? :D
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