it's starting all over again :/

OH THE DRAMA. Y U LIKE FOLLOWING ME AROUND??? D:

my group... honestly.... SUCKS. SUCKS TO THE MAX.

my eyes bengkak now from too much crying. why am i crying? cos i couldn't think straight. and crying somehow clears everything out.

if you still read this. I'M FREAKING SORRY. i don't wanna hurt you but i already have. just leave me aloneeeeee!!!!

Change. that is the core of me. i'll keep changing. i don't ask for it. i can't stop. i can't help it. i don't think you can understand, cos you are not the changing type of person. you like where you are and you tend to stay in it. i don't think you have changed a lot since i first met you. i'm not saying it's not good. but we're DIFFERENT. and every time i change it just rips us apart.

you think i'm not aware?? you think i don't know?? of course i do! and if this makes you feel better, it doesn't only affect you. TONS of other people too! they never last for long. I never last for long. it doesn't mean what we had wasn't real.

all i'm asking is.. it's not wise to put me at the TOP of your priority list. cos to be honest, none of you will be on mine either. i'm not saying that when we're together i'm not real or whatever i feel for you at that moment is not sincere, it's just that, i learnt the hard way NOT to attach myself too deeply into a relationship unless i'm sure it will never ever change. like God. cos when changes come, my heart will be literally RIPPED out.

and also, like what i said in the last post. i am doubtful of humanity. i am not me anymore. i can't fix whatever problem i have with my brain. so i'm leaving it to time. i just want all of you to know, you were all once VERY EXTREMELY important to me. but then something happened and i can't remember how it feels like to completely trust someone to the point of no return.

i didn't ditch you guys for anybody, but rather, i ditched you guys for NOBODY. because being alone is, sometimes, better than being surrounded by people who'll fade away sooner or later. and being alone, doesn't mean i'm lonely. it just means i've become independent. and being independent means having certain distance. and having distance means.... no one can stab you when you're least aware.