thank you for sharing so much that day, i feel bad for not opening myself up completely to you, it's probably because i felt like i had to be in control and maintain a cool, calm attitude. i know you were very nervous too, i think i've made you feel worse by putting on the serious face and refusing to laugh at your jokes.
tkc, you have to understand, i am afraid of falling.
i'm still hurting from no.3. it's like no matter what i do, he'll still be a part of me deep down in my soul. i've put up walls after walls, fences after fences, complete with barbed wire, just so i won't get hurt again. every time someone comes too close, the bells will start ringing and the thorns will come out. i need some time to unlock all the doors and shut down the alarms.
also, tkc, i probably will never tell you this, but i am a little intimidated by your ex-gf. sorry for being such a girl, but i am very insecure when it comes to love. and if she wants you, i'd back down. because, no offense, i will convince myself that you're not worth the fight. you know what's so ironic about this? she'd probably feel more insecure than i do, given her circumstance. guess i'm just being a girl?
and another thing is, i don't know why but these few days i've been thinking about you and her a lot. i felt this sorrow so great i've cried several times. no, it's not because i'm jealous or anything. it's more like.... i'm empathizing you guys. i don't know whose sorrow i'm feeling, yours or hers, but it's really heart-wrenching. both of you were hurt quite deeply huh? i just don't want what happened between you and her to happen between us. looking at what happened to you both makes me scared you know? because i am reminded that it might happen to us too.
*sigh* tkc. for now, you're in the friendzone ok? although i'm quite sure i'm already starting to fall for you, i prefer if we keep a comfortable distance until i'm sure of you.
him: do you trust me?
me: ..... i want to.
